There are movies you want to watch with your girlfriend, your family, or all by yourself. And there is that type of movie that caters to a specific target. It’s the movie that might seem off, weird, too violent, pointless, impossible, offensive, and so many other tags that one would consider this type of film as a possible synonym for these words.
This is, of course, the guy’s film. The man movie. The opposite of the chick flick, with a minor spelling alteration to the “chick” part.
Not to be confused with a specific genre, the man’s film is a set of elite movies that can fill the pulsing need for the man’s suppressed testosterone levels. It’s hard to comprehend the notion that men go for these films just because of violence, or the powerplay between the characters. But sometimes, guns and ammo are just the right pick-me-up after a rough day. Sometimes, stretching out on the couch and watching a classic ass-whuppin’ really removes stress.
The following are certified man’s movies and reasons why girlfriends should just go check out shoe catalogs while their men are watching.
CLASSIC BUTT KICKING
SCARFACE (1983)
The success story of Al Pacino’s character Tony Montana quite possibly might have just as much to impress the audience as his accent. Perhaps it’s the situation being a gangster (an authentic one at that) within Miami’s cocaine underworld. Or perhaps it’s just a matter of getting acquainted with Montana’s “little friend.”
Words of the wise:
When a man is born, he should say hello to his little friend at least once before he dies.
ENTER THE DRAGON (1973)
This was Bruce Lee’s greatest work in his entire career. This film also spawned massive followings because of its fighting tournament concept. This lea to tributes to Lee such as characters in Tekken games, as well as combative tournament movies of the same nature. Also, real men can’t hear Lee’s awkward kung-fu voice due to the noise the awesomeness of his nunchuck moves.
Words of the wise:
Finishing this movie is like achieving 10 minutes worth of Dragon Force lead guitar solo
THE GODFATHER (1972)
One could view this as nothing more than a business story, but not a real man. The root of all old school mafia movies, The Godfather taught the world a thing or two about discipline, betrayal, and revenge. The streets of New York wouldn’t be as much fun today if you never thought that there could be people among the crowd carrying firearms, ready to rub you out.
Words of the wise:
What better gift than a kiss in the cheek from the Don, and a Chicago typewriter (tommy gun).
DRUNKEN MASTER (1978)
Looking at the very shriveled Jackie Chan today makes most men sad. And the best way to cure that sulking feeling is to perhaps avoid watching the Karate Kid remake, and simply watch Drunken Master itself. The movie being the very definition of bar brawling in its perfect form, Jackie shined in his role of Wong Fei Hung, the simple but renowned martial artist who threw punchlines using his fists, and gave a classy spin to kicking butt while under the power of booze.
Words of the wise:
Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer
WAY OF THE DRAGON (1972)
[Special Mention]
To be brief, this film is an impossibility for most physics professors. It shows what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object for a good ten minutes. In short, Bruce Lee squares off with Chuck Norris.
Words of the wise:
Besides high-fiving a blue whale, this is the only way to achieve mind-blowing amounts of awesomeness
BORN SUPREME
PREDATOR(1987)
Who could forget that crosshair from hell. A powerhouse cast and one of the earlier roles of Arnold Schwarzenegger that brought him to the top. Watching this movie would make you forgive him ever playing an undercover cop disguised as a pre-school substitute teacher. And if support characters have dialogues like “I ain’t got time to bleed”, you know this movie is hardcore.
Words of the wise:
If movies were animals, this would be on top of the food chain.
ROCKY IV/FIRST BLOOD (1985/1982)
While Rocky IV shows how a real man trains for a fight, First Blood showcases a “me against the world” show with a small town as a controlled specimen. These two movies show why Stalone is always the last man standing through his killer instincts.
Words of the wise:
Infinite ammo FTW!
GLADIATOR (2000)
He’s not known for his action films, but when Russell Crowe pulls it off, he pulls it off big. Crowe plays the general turned slave turned coliseum superstar. And although him beating the living daylights out of Joaquin Phoenix’s pansy Caesar character wasn’t such a glorious climax, the whole experience was very much a good rendition of the bloodfest known as the Roman Coliseum.
Words of the wise:
Thumbs up anyone?
Die Hard 2 (1990)
Explosions, killing five armed men inside an elevator, driving through Central Park in a cab, just another day for Bruce Willis’ infamous character, John McClain. Alcohol, subway trains flying by, and a marriage ruined by the job, there’s no reason not to like the film. This just goes to show how serious a man can be when forced to do things after waking up on the wrong side of the bed.
Words of the wise:
You can’t hear the sound of the ticking time bomb over how awesome this movie is
BLOODSPORT(1988)
A great movie after Enter the Dragon, Bloodsport is another movie that helped pave the way for fighting tournament movies. If kids have Karate Kid, real men have Blood Sport. After watching this movie, you will once again be reassured that it is ok for Van Damme to do the splits, so long as the knock out punch comes right after.
Words of the wise:
This movie is like you giving three aerial roundhouses in the face of your worst enemy or not having to pay taxes for a year.
MACHINATION OF ATTITUDE
AMERICAN HISTORY X (1998)
A neo-Nazi reference has never been this well portrayed. An intelligent individual who chose to join the movement due to the murder of his father, Edward Norton plays Derek Vinyard who is known in the movement for radical actions that places him behind bars. And the graphic scenes in the movie are enough to make a lesser man cringe.
Words of the wise
Sidewalks can be used as ammo
FIGHT CLUB (1999)
You can’t seriously expect me to explain how great this movie is. While the novel “Fight Club” by Chuck Palahniuk remains as one of the books a man can’t not read, the same goes for the movie. Unless you are allergic to light, there’s no reason not to watch fight club.
Words of the wise:
It’s ok if you dream to be one day be as bad-ass as Tyler Durden
VICTORY THROUGH SUPERIOR FIREPOWER
300 (2006)
Not much explosions but these guys’ guns get things done. Based from an equally macho graphic novel by Frank Miller and historical accounts, 300 showcases everything behind the good old war of the conquerors. It’s a great recount of how the phalanx really works as opposed to the failed version of Troy.
Words of the wise:
When talking to kings, choose wisely your words.
STAR WARS EPISODE V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (1980)
Why? Because nothing says “F— you” more than the crosshairs of the Death Star, that’s why. Nostalgia, light sabers, and the Force; these are just a few reasons why this movie is considered as the greatest science-fiction blockbuster of this eternity.
Words of the wise:
The lines “who’s your daddy?” never seemed more inappropriate in a film.
LAUGHING AT THE WORLD’S EXPENSE
TROPIC THUNDER (2008)
There is always space for irony in a comedy. In this movie, actors are put in the situation wherein they are forced to be the soldiers they are portraying. Caught in the crossfire of a Vietnam civil war, Stiller and the rest of the cast deviate from their usual comic characters and dive into these comic characters.
Words of the wise:
Nothing beats an authentic location.
HAPPY GILMORE (1996)
The sound of a telecast bleep never sounded so funny, not after eight or nine curses in less than five seconds. One of Adam Sandler’s earlier works, Happy Gilmore removes the peace from the greens of golf courses in America and trash talks and power drives his way into victories.
Words of the wise:
It’s always fun to have graphic conversations with inanimate objects and rip the greens of a golf course to shreds while you’re at it.
HOT SHOTS (1991)
Parody movies are always welcome, especially when it makes fun of the best movies of all time. Charlie Sheen and the bunch follows a path of comic destruction. And thanks to this movie, we have been able to measure the awesomeness to ammo ratio as seen in previous epic movies.
Words of the wise:
A tied pair of shoe laces is the greatest binding contraption known to all comedies.
Photo credits:
planetill.com;ugo.com; dennis.webhop.net;actionmoviefreak.com;Stallonezone.com; cinescene.com; nickstolpman.info; babble.com;About.com; watchmojo.com; reelmovienews.com
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Movies that Eat Bullets for Breakfast (with Extra Rice)
0There are movies you want to watch with your girlfriend, your family, or all by yourself. And there is that type of movie that caters to a specific target. It’s the movie that might seem off, weird, too violent, pointless, impossible, offensive, and so many other tags that one would consider this type of film as a possible synonym for these words.
This is, of course, the guy’s film. The man movie. The opposite of the chick flick, with a minor spelling alteration to the “chick” part.
Not to be confused with a specific genre, the man’s film is a set of elite movies that can fill the pulsing need for the man’s suppressed testosterone levels. It’s hard to comprehend the notion that men go for these films just because of violence, or the powerplay between the characters. But sometimes, guns and ammo are just the right pick-me-up after a rough day. Sometimes, stretching out on the couch and watching a classic ass-whuppin’ really removes stress.
The following are certified man’s movies and reasons why girlfriends should just go check out shoe catalogs while their men are watching.
CLASSIC BUTT KICKING
SCARFACE (1983)
The success story of Al Pacino’s character Tony Montana quite possibly might have just as much to impress the audience as his accent. Perhaps it’s the situation being a gangster (an authentic one at that) within Miami’s cocaine underworld. Or perhaps it’s just a matter of getting acquainted with Montana’s “little friend.”
Words of the wise:
When a man is born, he should say hello to his little friend at least once before he dies.
ENTER THE DRAGON (1973)
This was Bruce Lee’s greatest work in his entire career. This film also spawned massive followings because of its fighting tournament concept. This lea to tributes to Lee such as characters in Tekken games, as well as combative tournament movies of the same nature. Also, real men can’t hear Lee’s awkward kung-fu voice due to the noise the awesomeness of his nunchuck moves.
Words of the wise:
Finishing this movie is like achieving 10 minutes worth of Dragon Force lead guitar solo
THE GODFATHER (1972)
One could view this as nothing more than a business story, but not a real man. The root of all old school mafia movies, The Godfather taught the world a thing or two about discipline, betrayal, and revenge. The streets of New York wouldn’t be as much fun today if you never thought that there could be people among the crowd carrying firearms, ready to rub you out.
Words of the wise:
What better gift than a kiss in the cheek from the Don, and a Chicago typewriter (tommy gun).
DRUNKEN MASTER (1978)
Looking at the very shriveled Jackie Chan today makes most men sad. And the best way to cure that sulking feeling is to perhaps avoid watching the Karate Kid remake, and simply watch Drunken Master itself. The movie being the very definition of bar brawling in its perfect form, Jackie shined in his role of Wong Fei Hung, the simple but renowned martial artist who threw punchlines using his fists, and gave a classy spin to kicking butt while under the power of booze.
Words of the wise:
Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer
WAY OF THE DRAGON (1972)
[Special Mention]
To be brief, this film is an impossibility for most physics professors. It shows what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object for a good ten minutes. In short, Bruce Lee squares off with Chuck Norris.
Words of the wise:
Besides high-fiving a blue whale, this is the only way to achieve mind-blowing amounts of awesomeness
BORN SUPREME
PREDATOR(1987)
Who could forget that crosshair from hell. A powerhouse cast and one of the earlier roles of Arnold Schwarzenegger that brought him to the top. Watching this movie would make you forgive him ever playing an undercover cop disguised as a pre-school substitute teacher. And if support characters have dialogues like “I ain’t got time to bleed”, you know this movie is hardcore.
Words of the wise:
If movies were animals, this would be on top of the food chain.
ROCKY IV/FIRST BLOOD (1985/1982)
While Rocky IV shows how a real man trains for a fight, First Blood showcases a “me against the world” show with a small town as a controlled specimen. These two movies show why Stalone is always the last man standing through his killer instincts.
Words of the wise:
Infinite ammo FTW!
GLADIATOR (2000)
He’s not known for his action films, but when Russell Crowe pulls it off, he pulls it off big. Crowe plays the general turned slave turned coliseum superstar. And although him beating the living daylights out of Joaquin Phoenix’s pansy Caesar character wasn’t such a glorious climax, the whole experience was very much a good rendition of the bloodfest known as the Roman Coliseum.
Words of the wise:
Thumbs up anyone?
Die Hard 2 (1990)
Explosions, killing five armed men inside an elevator, driving through Central Park in a cab, just another day for Bruce Willis’ infamous character, John McClain. Alcohol, subway trains flying by, and a marriage ruined by the job, there’s no reason not to like the film. This just goes to show how serious a man can be when forced to do things after waking up on the wrong side of the bed.
Words of the wise:
You can’t hear the sound of the ticking time bomb over how awesome this movie is
BLOODSPORT(1988)
A great movie after Enter the Dragon, Bloodsport is another movie that helped pave the way for fighting tournament movies. If kids have Karate Kid, real men have Blood Sport. After watching this movie, you will once again be reassured that it is ok for Van Damme to do the splits, so long as the knock out punch comes right after.
Words of the wise:
This movie is like you giving three aerial roundhouses in the face of your worst enemy or not having to pay taxes for a year.
MACHINATION OF ATTITUDE
AMERICAN HISTORY X (1998)
A neo-Nazi reference has never been this well portrayed. An intelligent individual who chose to join the movement due to the murder of his father, Edward Norton plays Derek Vinyard who is known in the movement for radical actions that places him behind bars. And the graphic scenes in the movie are enough to make a lesser man cringe.
Words of the wise
Sidewalks can be used as ammo
FIGHT CLUB (1999)
You can’t seriously expect me to explain how great this movie is. While the novel “Fight Club” by Chuck Palahniuk remains as one of the books a man can’t not read, the same goes for the movie. Unless you are allergic to light, there’s no reason not to watch fight club.
Words of the wise:
It’s ok if you dream to be one day be as bad-ass as Tyler Durden
VICTORY THROUGH SUPERIOR FIREPOWER
300 (2006)
Not much explosions but these guys’ guns get things done. Based from an equally macho graphic novel by Frank Miller and historical accounts, 300 showcases everything behind the good old war of the conquerors. It’s a great recount of how the phalanx really works as opposed to the failed version of Troy.
Words of the wise:
When talking to kings, choose wisely your words.
STAR WARS EPISODE V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (1980)
Why? Because nothing says “F— you” more than the crosshairs of the Death Star, that’s why. Nostalgia, light sabers, and the Force; these are just a few reasons why this movie is considered as the greatest science-fiction blockbuster of this eternity.
Words of the wise:
The lines “who’s your daddy?” never seemed more inappropriate in a film.
LAUGHING AT THE WORLD’S EXPENSE
TROPIC THUNDER (2008)
There is always space for irony in a comedy. In this movie, actors are put in the situation wherein they are forced to be the soldiers they are portraying. Caught in the crossfire of a Vietnam civil war, Stiller and the rest of the cast deviate from their usual comic characters and dive into these comic characters.
Words of the wise:
Nothing beats an authentic location.
HAPPY GILMORE (1996)
The sound of a telecast bleep never sounded so funny, not after eight or nine curses in less than five seconds. One of Adam Sandler’s earlier works, Happy Gilmore removes the peace from the greens of golf courses in America and trash talks and power drives his way into victories.
Words of the wise:
It’s always fun to have graphic conversations with inanimate objects and rip the greens of a golf course to shreds while you’re at it.
HOT SHOTS (1991)
Parody movies are always welcome, especially when it makes fun of the best movies of all time. Charlie Sheen and the bunch follows a path of comic destruction. And thanks to this movie, we have been able to measure the awesomeness to ammo ratio as seen in previous epic movies.
Words of the wise:
A tied pair of shoe laces is the greatest binding contraption known to all comedies.
Photo credits:
planetill.com;ugo.com; dennis.webhop.net;actionmoviefreak.com;Stallonezone.com; cinescene.com; nickstolpman.info; babble.com;About.com; watchmojo.com; reelmovienews.com
Incoming search terms:
About the Author
Keith Cortez is a fictionist who loves to travel both on the road and on the pages of a book. He loves sunshine and meat equally. He doesn’t want people to know that he’s a member of Green Peace and that he’s from Pampanga. He believes that real vampires don’t sparkle.
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