The OFW Mom: Her Bittersweet Voyage

This famous song entitled “Sa Ugoy ng Duyan” penned by Filipino composers and lyricists Lucio San Pedro and Levi Celerio recalls for every child the tender love, care, and presence of their moms. It felt like heaven, being in their mother’s arms. However, what if financial instability reared its ugly head into the home? As a mother, how do you conquer the uncertainty and anxiety? And most importantly, how do you weigh the difference between the importance of being there for your children, and securing their future?

Unfortunately, given the stringent if not overly discerning employment opportunities in the Philippines, most mothers, out of sheer love, opt to leave their families behind and join the growing number of overseas workers. In an article I came across, a mother considering becoming an OFW gave up the search for greener pastures in Dubai to personally take care of her children, with her stating that being a mother is a “full–time job and mission”. Nevertheless, her decision was not that easy. She admitted that her finances eventually went downhill, forcing her and her family to receive only the barest of necessities for survival.

This mother’s resolve is not shared by all. The latest statistics from the Philippine Overseas Employment Agency (POEA) showed an 11.6% increase in the number of newly-deployed female OFWs in 2008, reaching 163,338 from 146,337 in 2007. Furthermore, the Survey on Overseas Filipinos (SOF) showed that during the period of April to September in 2008 (6 months), the total number of female OFWs reached 968,000, from the estimated 875,000 in 2007 – a 13% increase.

More women are leaving their homes to seek a better life overseas. And I think it would be safe to assume that a significant percentage of these women are mothers seeking to give their children better lives – even for the price of separation and loneliness.

For this special issue on Mother’s Day I decided to write an article about my best friend Roquella Liwanag who was for a time an OFW mother. She now lives in Calgary, Canada with her daughter. I had decided to make her the subject of this story, because I had seen in her the true essence of the word “Mother” in its strictest sense. Many thanks to her for allowing me to have a unique conversation with her via email.

Q. How did you become an OFW? Why did you choose to become one?
A. I applied [to become one]. [I wanted] to have a better life and provide a better future for my child.

Q. How did it feel to be an OFW and a mom at the same time?
A. When we were separated for four years, that was the hardest thing for me. [Being] away from my child.

Q. How did you manage the role of being a mom to your daughter while in Canada?
A. With the help of my parents, of course. They took care of my daughter for 4 years.

Q. How did you explain to your daughter the need for you to leave for Canada?
A. I [told] her that I [had to] work there because I loved her and I wanted to give her a better life and future.

Q. [Based on your experience,] what is the hardest part of being an OFW mom?
A. The hardest part of being an OFW mom is to be away from your child. You [continually worry about them, asking yourself] “ Is he/she doing OK? Is she getting what she needs? Does she have something to eat? Is she doing well in school?”

Q. What is your greatest regret about [deciding to become] an OFW?
A. The greatest regret I think [is] the bitter reality that I had sacrificed a lot of years [of being with my daughter]. Yet until now, I do not have my own savings. I am still suffering from a huge amount of debt [while trying to] survive.

Q. What is your message for OFW moms, and their children?
A. For moms like me, it is important [to know] that even if our job requires physical separation, the emotional bond with our children must always be there. Let us constantly keep in touch with our children as much as possible via text or email to let them know that we love them more than anyone in this world. For the children of OFW’s, be proud of your mothers. Because they had always envisioned the best for [you and] your bright future.

And Happy Mother’s Day to all moms all over the world.

In her book Nawala ang Ilaw ng Tahanan: Families Left Behind By Filipino Mothers, noted child psychologist Honey Carandang discovered the following findings about children with OFW mothers:

• Children whose mothers are abroad, develop sadness and longing for their moms
• They desire family togetherness
• In the absence of mothers, fathers assume the need to take on motherly roles: the long process of learning how to take care of the household and children
• In order to help fathers cope with their new task, support systems of aunts and grandparents are therefore necessary
• Children are expected to do household chores, robbing them of precious time they have for playing and being children
• Mothers tend to compensate for their years of absence by buying their children expensive toys

Moreover, Carandang stressed the importance of family dynamics – the methods by which family members relate with one another – to help the children and the rest of the family for moms overseas. This approach is diverse and constant since people are capable of dynamic changes; therefore, this therapeutic approach allows family members to take part in gaining new and exciting experiences to mend the ruptures and possible dysfunctions developed within the family – a near-certain event in the case of OFW families.

Step 1

Take note of the household members. In this step, mixed marriages and extended families are considered part of the household, and are all components of the so-called “family dynamics”.

Step 2

Age analysis of the family is important. A family member’s age changes along with his or her life perspective and interpretation of the surroundings.

Step 3

Know and understand the various personal histories of each family in the household. Individuals from different families come together and form a union and a family as well. Also, remember that the role of genetic factors on each side is a necessary tool in family dynamics.

Step 4

Know and examine the roles of each family member. Likewise, the determinants of the roles are people in the family, their personalities, and the varying circumstances surrounding the families.

Step 5

Familiarize yourself with the rules that take control of the behaviors and interactions within a given family. Some of these rules are common, like cleaning the toilet. Take note that in family dynamics, sometimes the revelations of “dark secrets” can occur, and may be potentially dangerous and destructive.

Step 6

Communication between family members is important in this approach. In family dynamics, the lines of communication must be open and positive. Without this, family dynamics is futile.

Step 7

Establish bonding time with family members by employing various activities to ensure stronger family ties.

The unbearable and unwavering sacrifices of our OFW mothers can never be compared to anything else. Personally, I believe that they are more than deserving to be seen as the unsung heroes of our time. May strength and love be with our OFW mothers and their children this Mother’s Day.

Incoming search terms:

• message for parents tagalog
• related literature about ofw
• tagalog message for parents
• message for ofw mothers
• interview questions for ofw
• statistics of mother ofw
• recommendation for ofw
• effects of having ofw parents
• ofw literature
• foreign literature about ofw